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I know earlier I may have seemed like a bumbling idiot awhile ago, but just for the record I was never good at confrontations and today was probably an example of that. So with all the dignity left in me I think I can better explain it on my journal thingy hoping you read this. If not, then all hope is not lost and not to fret because I said what I think I wanted to say today. So with that said and done, here I go...

First off, I'd like to apologize to you for treating you the way I have these past few weeks. I've ignored you because I had liked you and that when you said another guy's name I fell to pieces. I was going to ask you out eventually, but I took my time because I thought I should take the time to know you, but I guess I wasn't even near the vicinity of what I thought I had going. So that's why I had decided to back off, because who am I to do something about something that's already been decided.

I had went to the start of everything to the moment I had forgotten your name and had to ask for it again, that's how I treated you the past few weeks. As these weeks passed by and trying to occupy myself just to not see you or hear you, it had felt like something was missing and that my days were incomplete. I had missed our conversations online and on the phone when I went for a jog or walk late out at night. I had missed your smiles and your laughs about nothing. I had missed how you'd give off a puzzled look and to your frolicking and out of know where singing and ballet dancing. I even missed it when you would play off the color of your hair to try to show the typical stereo type of it, but deep inside you were a genius mastermind playing them all. Finally, I had really just missed you.

I'd like to say that I liked you, well I probably still do, but that's not the case here, not anymore. I guess, I had fully emotionally attached to you, from that moment when after we ate at Quizno's and its my fault. I should of knew that I couldn't have ended up with a girl like you. Not that I am saying that you're a tramp or anything, but I mean like literally I can't get a girl like you, never could. I bit off more than I can chew. I crossed that line between friendship to the unknown, and like history, it repeats itself so many times. No one was at the other end of that line. When I saw that there was no one on the other side, I lost and forgot myself.

So when I found out the news that one day, I'm not going to lie to you, it hurt. I really didn't know what to think of it. When I saw you kiss him a few weeks back, I could of swore my weight drop down so hard I couldn't get up nor did I even want to get up, and finally when I saw you hold his hands, I just wanted to go home and fall back to sleep and wake up the next Friday. That's why when I brought you home and you told me you wanted to tell me more about it, I bled my last drop of myself, and had to force it out of me to tell you to not to. But that didn't stop me from caring to try to guide you to the right guy, because if that other person didn't want to show his liking to you out in public or show the world who he belongs to, its not worth your time. You deserve a good man and I think that one person is right for you.

Like I said earlier I'm not going to compete because it already shows that you've made or leaning towards a decision. Plus, I'm not much of a competitor because I always lose. It's like Launchpad from "Ducktales" he can fly a plane, but when it comes to landing a plane it always ends up a crashing down in flames. Let's face facts here, who ever gets you is probably a better person with something more to offer you than what I can. I really don't have much to offer when it comes to the opposite sex besides myself, and what you see is what you get. You deserve a good man because you're a good person.

I wrote this to you to not make you feel sympathetic towards me. Like I said its my fault for crossing that line when I should have known that no one would be on the other side. I just want you to be happy and I felt that the way I had been treating you was not fair to you especially after not knowing why all of it was happening. I just didn't want to be another guy on your list or to just wait in line because I know I'll just wait in line and end up with nothing when I reach the end, so I took myself out of the list for you and gave up my space in line. I know you are stuck in between two people now, and I hope you pick the one that is right for you and who will treat you the best. Don't settle for anything because settling is not wanting something as much actually wanting it. Okay?

I'll see you around Leslie...

Love,
Conrado Villazor

-Coldplay-
"Warning Sign"
"See You Soon"
"In My Place"

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